WHEN I MET THE FIRST ME!

Sunday’s Monday

      For those that aren’t aware, I just spent a few days lying on my death bed, and not to get into the minuscule details of my whole experience; I relived my first life before surrendering all to Jesus. I saw myself as a tiny shadow of a man lacking in every area of adult manhood. My life had discovered the addiction to alcohol and the false courage that automatically came with the drug. I fell in love with being able to metamorphose into something I could never be on my own.  There were even times that I could fit within the system parameters that often surrounded me. The alcohol uniquely filled a gap that has always been a thorn in my side, leading me to compete with the men that I admired most in the world. Because of my small stature, I was always doing my best to be the best, the biggest, or the strongest. Whatever it would take to get me noticed by more mature adults living the life I felt that I deserved.

      This story starts with an abbreviated caption starting at age 8, which I believe to be my best life then. Dad was a good God-fearing man who was very active in church, where mom played the piano and taught Sunday School. We attended every service and function and had family prayer time. I was the firstborn to mom and dad and the first grandchild to dad’s mom and dad, which granted me tons of off-the-record privileges. These are what I call my good old days! Then, one day, it all started to come to a grinding halt. Dad was hanging with an old army buddy who didn’t believe and started Dad on a firestorm of doubt and denial. Dad started hanging out in the wrong places, leading to doing the wrong things. There was no help for Dad, who went on to lose everything, but through the grace of my grandfather Loftin, we had a place to stay and food to eat. Dad drank himself into cancer, which killed him at age 54. During Dad's time, Mom became an alcoholic as well, which took her down the same rabbit hole until it killed her at age 67. They couldn’t wrap their heart around James 1:14-15 (NLT), 14 Temptation comes from our desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15 These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. At age 12, my life without notice had just entered the death spiral of “self-inflicted-nonsense” or (SIN).

      I don’t have enough space to record the actual events that led up to me falling at the foot of the cross and crying out to Jesus. I can tell you that I had no house/home, no friends, no car, no job, no money, no self-respect nor self-confidence, and I couldn’t stand myself. I was traveling a long, lonely road that came to a terrible, terrifying fork, and I had to choose to stay as I was or go for the change. On Friday morning, June 12, 1992, I decided and chose life. It was a dramatic, traumatizing choice to give up the person I hated most and go for God’s promise of a new man. I was honestly too terrified to worry about the who, what, and if it would work. My focus became centered only on the thought of escaping the relentless torture and agony of being who I was. I was drunk in the flesh while my spirit was in the second-greatest battle it would ever fight, and all I could do was cry out to God for mercy. God heard and miraculously answered by opening a path to lead me to the Catawba County Detox Center. (a wonderful story I’ll write about one day.) There, I was introduced to James 1:21 (NLT): So, get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. Hear me! I give God all the glory of the past 32 years, but I have to tell you my little girlfriend at the time played a major part in my decision. She later became my wife of 25 years before dying in 01-24-24. The Holy Spirit sent many, many brothers to act as comforters and encouragers as it is written in Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV) And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. 

      Father: I come to you this day to ask you to open my eyes even wider, soften my heart more, and fill me with your grace to love your people better. I seek Your wisdom to grow Your spirit within me; I pray for those divine appointments that bring me closer to You. Remind me, often, Lord, how you valued me worth your own life. Teach me James 1:27 (NLT), Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. May I be blessed to fill your house with the joyful noises of your people singing in unity, glorifying your awesomeness? Amen

HAVE A BLESSED WEEK BY BEING A BLESSING TO OTHERS!

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